In The Spotlight
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What an incredibly powerful idea and organization – don’t you agree? So who started GOTR? That brings us to this month’s first Featured Brave Chick – Molly Barker – the Founder and Vision Keeper of GOTR.
Molly Barker, MSW and four-time Hawaii Ironman triathlete is a visionary. Using her expertise in counseling and teaching along with research on adolescent issues, she founded Girls on the Run® in Charlotte, North Carolina. Girls on the Run® is a non-profit organization with the mission of educating and preparing girls for a life-time of self-respect and healthy living. The innovative, experiential program combines training for a 5k event with life-changing self-esteem enhancing lessons that enhance social, physical and mental health in 8 – 12 year old girls.
Molly began running at the age of 15 - an age when she found herself stuck in the "girl box", where only girls who were a certain size with a certain beauty were popular; where girls who wanted to fit in had to mold their bodies and their personalities to fit the requirements of the box.
Molly kept running. During a sunset run in 1993, she found the inspiration that grew into Girls on the Run®. In 1996 she developed the earliest version of the 24-lesson curriculum with the help of 13 brave girls. 26 girls came the next season, then 75, and so the program grew. In 2000, Girls on the Run International, a 501c-3 organization was born.
Today, there are Girls on the Run® programs in over 150 cities across North America, with tens of thousands of girls and women participating. In 2007, Girls on the Run® hosted over 70 end-of-season 5k events across the United States and Canada. Molly and Girls on the Run have been featured in many media outlets including People, Runner's World, Redbook, Women's Day, O Magazine, Running Times, CNN, MSNBC, ABC News, NBC News, NPR, ESPN and Forbes.
In 2006, Molly was the recipient of several prestigious national awards including Redbook magazine's "Strength and Spirit Award" which recognizes individuals who are building a better future for all of us, the "Woman's Day Award" from Woman's Day magazine which salutes individuals who have used their vision and heart to help fix pressing problems and the highly prestigious "Heroes of Running Award" from Runner's World magazine. Corporate sponsors for Girls on the Run International include New Balance Athletic Shoe and Apparel Company, Kellogg's Frosted Flakes and Goody's Hair Products.
With the success of the Girls on the Run program combined with her books, Girls on Track, A Parent's Guide to Inspiring our Daughters to Achieve a Lifetime of Self-Esteem and Respect, and Girls Lit From Within, Molly has become an inspiration and positive role model for people of all ages.
Molly lives in Charlotte, North Carolina and enjoys writing, running and cycling. She is passionate about her work but is most inspired by her two children.
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LEIGH WALLACE
This brings us to the next woman that we would like to highlight this month – Leigh Wallace. Leigh is a volunteer coach of GOTR – a role that is integral to GOTR’s ability to directly affect so many young girls. In addition to her involvement with GOTR, Leigh is a high school teacher, mother of two, devoted wife, avid runner and an inspiration to many with her incredible story of survival and her enduring spirit! This is her story in her own words.
When I think of events in my life, I find that I often define them in terms of “before the kidnapping” or “after the kidnapping.” As I write this I am approaching 40 years old and the kidnapping was almost exactly at the halfway point of my life. It’s strange that something that happened 20 years ago can seem like it happened yesterday. But at the same time, it can seem like an eternity when I reflect on all that has happened in my life since then. Clearly, the kidnapping was a turning point in my life. It changed me in so many ways and helped to shape the person that I am today. So I will separate this into 3 parts: me before the kidnapping, the kidnapping, and me after the kidnapping.
ME - BEFORE THE KIDNAPPING
I was a gymnast from the ages of 6-12. So in the 3rd grade and for several years after that, I saw myself as a powerful athlete. I was the athletic girl in my grade and this made me popular with the boys. I knew that they respected my athletic ability and my power and I really liked that. I didn’t feel pretty, but I guess I probably thought I was cute in a way. I didn’t see myself as a tomboy but I did relate well to boys and worked very hard to prove to them that even though I was a girl, I could still do most of what they could do. I was always one of the first girls picked for team sports during recess and I was always the first girl picked for tug-of-war. In my family, I am the oldest of 3 girls and 1 boy. I was raised by a mother who I always saw as strong, nurturing, and confident and a father who was a caring Army officer who encouraged his daughters to be strong, independent females. They encouraged competition and it made me feel really good to please them with my competitive efforts.
My image of myself, especially my body image, probably started changing in the 9th grade. After a knee surgery the summer before the 9th grade, I developed an eating disorder. I never really thought before my surgery that I needed to lose weight, but I did notice that my muscular, compact build was changing. As I recovered from the surgery, I started to eat less and less. I couldn’t exercise the way that I had been, but I spent hours in my room doing abdominal work and basically just any movement that I could do. I started counting calories and severely restricting them and knew that I was losing weight. When I returned to school in the fall, my classmates were shocked at my appearance. I liked losing weight, I liked how I looked and I liked the reaction that I got. The reaction that I got from boys was not positive but I tried to ignore it. I started running competitively in the 9th grade. I started to allow myself to eat again when I returned to training and competition, but my relationship with food was damaged…maybe even still to this day. Instead of starving myself, I was now over-eating. Obviously, I gained weight. I had always believed that I was a strong person, but now I felt weak. I was competing in sports where extra weight is a major hindrance and I struggled to be the athlete that I knew I had the potential to be. Despite being too heavy to be a distance runner, I had success. When I came to college at Appalachian State in Boone, NC, I hoped that I would be able to finally realize my potential as a runner. My dad wrote me letters encouraging me to believe in myself and to work hard to get my weight under control. Adjusting to college life was not easy and my over-eating became worse. I met my husband at the beginning of my sophomore year of college when my weight reached its highest point. I knew I could be a better runner and I certainly knew that I could be a prettier girlfriend. I couldn’t understand why Chris, a muscular, athletic guy, was interested in me when I felt so ugly. I felt so lucky that I was dating him. It was during this time, the beginning of my junior year, when I was kidnapped.
THE KIDNAPPING
In the early morning hours of Sunday, September 24, 1989, a 27-year-old woman named Jeni Gray had parked her car in downtown Boone to go for a walk, but she never returned. Her parents had driven up from Asheville that morning to go to church with her and to spend the day with her. When she didn’t return from her walk or show up for church, they knew that something was wrong. When they found her car with her keys and purse inside it, they went to the police. The fact that a girl was missing in this town with very little crime was news that traveled fast. Everyone was talking about it. I remember talking about it with my roommates and with a girl in my Thursday morning class. When my boyfriend, Chris, came up on Friday morning (from Charlotte where he was doing his student teaching), I told him all about her disappearance.
Chris and I made plans for the afternoon and night. I needed to clean my apartment and go for a run so he decided he would go see his friends and play video games until it was time for us to get ready to go out with friends later. So after cleaning my apartment, I left a note for Chris saying I was running and that I would be back at 6:30…and I went on my run. There was nothing unusual about my run, except that it was lightly raining, until I noticed that a car that was coming toward me was slowing down as it approached. My first thought was that maybe it was someone that I knew but then I realized that the car was not one that I recognized. I then wondered if the driver might want directions or something. As the car got right in front of me and stopped, I nervously looked into the open passenger window. As soon as I looked at the driver, I gasped and took a step back. I knew I was in trouble.
He told me to get in the car. When he said this, he shook the hand that was in his lap and I saw that he had a gun in his hand. So I reached for the door handle and got in the car. He asked me why I was crying and I told him that I did not want to die. He told me that if I did what he told me to do, he would not kill me. I wanted to believe him and would sometimes stop crying. For the next three hours, I was his prisoner and he violated me in many unspeakable ways.
After some time, he finished raping me. He threw my clothes into the woods and found some jeans and a shirt in his back seat for me to wear. He eventually asked me when someone would notice that I was missing. I knew that he was asking me this because he wanted to know how long he could keep me before people would start looking. I realized this was a way to buy myself some time. So I told him I didn’t really know. So he thought a moment and said, “So no one is really going to notice that you are missing til Monday morning, right?” I cried and said yes. So he said he would take me home with him and just kill me in the morning.
As horrible as that sounded, it gave me hope because I realized that for him to take me home, we would have to drive out of the woods. But I wanted him to take me somewhere instead of taking me straight home so I told him that I was hungry. He told me that he had a burger in the back seat from Burger King. I told him that I didn’t like to eat fast food. He then said that he had a frozen pizza at home. But I told him that pizza sauce upsets my stomach. He then said, “Well, I have to stop for gas on the way home. I’ll get you something there.” I couldn’t believe he was telling me that and that he planned to take me to a public place. We drove out of the woods and soon passed a car. I thought about jumping out but decided not to.
We pulled up to a pump at a gas station. No one else was there except for the person I assumed was working in the store. He asked me what I wanted to eat and drink. Before he got out, I asked him if I could go in the store with him. He said that he thought I should stay in the car. I told him that I would hold his hand and act like I was his girlfriend. But again, he said it would be better for me to just stay in the car. He put his hand on my leg and said, “Now you’re not going to go anywhere, are you?” And I said no. He asked why not. And I told him because I was too scared. He nodded, got out, pumped the gas and then went inside the store. Just then, an SUV pulled up to the store. I knew that this person was just going in to buy something and that he would probably come out before Daniel Lee. I saw a man get out of that car. I was a little disappointed that it was a man but I also knew that I couldn’t possibly meet 2 crazy men in one night. I also noticed that he had an ASU sticker on the back of his car and that made me feel better. I couldn’t see Daniel Lee anymore and knew that he was probably going to the bathroom and getting snacks for me. When I saw the other man (Richard) paying for what he was getting, I jumped out of DL’s car and ran and jumped into the other car through the driver door. I got on the floor in between the front seats and when I looked up, the man was standing outside his driver door with wide open eyes. In a panicked, quiet voice, I told him to hurry and get in the car. Once he got in, I begged him to take me home. I told him that I had been kidnapped and raped and that the man in the store had killed Jeni Gray. As the man started backing up, I got more and more upset as my pent up terror and fear started pouring out. He drove a short distance and then stopped in front of a house. I ran into the house and into the kitchen at the back of the house. I balled myself up on the floor against the cabinets and was sobbing uncontrollably. I know that the people in the house were confused but Richard must have explained to them the little that he knew. A call was made to 911 and then I asked for the phone so I could call my parents. When I called home and heard my dad’s voice, I tried to tell him what had happened to me and for him to come get me. But he couldn’t understand anything I was saying so the woman there took the phone and gave him directions to her house. I then asked her to call my apartment where my mom and my boyfriend were (they had been looking for me since I had been missing for 3 hours). My mom picked up the phone and later told me that the 1st thing she heard was me sobbing in the background. She said she knew then that I was alive and she was relieved to hear me crying. At least she is alive, she thought, and that whatever has happened to her, we can deal with it.
I was able to give the police many details about my kidnapper, including his name, and he was arrested that night at his house. Jeni’s body was found 10 days later in the woods where he took me. She had died of strangulation from her sweatshirt wrapped around her neck. A large stick with blood on it was found near her body. She had several skull fractures and her neck was black with bruises. Some of her body had decomposed and they were not able to gather evidence of a possible rape.
During the trial, I had to testify. It was a sentencing trial. Daniel Lee had pled guilty to all charges but a jury had to decide his fate -- life in prison or the death penalty. I was allowed to tell my story to the jury since I was told things about Jeni and her suffering. I never cried when I testified and I looked at Daniel Lee often. He looked down most of the time. It was important to me that he see how strong I was. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of sitting in jail and being proud that he had destroyed me. Eight months later, Daniel Lee was convicted of all charges and was given the death penalty in addition to the 4 consecutive life sentences plus 15 years that he was given for his crimes against me. He died of a brain aneurysm after spending 8 years in prison.
ME - AFTER THE KIDNAPPING
My mom immediately arranged for me to see a counselor from ASU on a regular basis. I was able to tell my counselor everything without worrying about how painful the words would be for him to hear. It was very difficult for Chris to hear me talk about what had happened. My mom let me tell her whatever I wanted to tell her and she always took the time to listen to me. But I still sometimes felt that I should spare her some of the details. I felt a need to talk about this to my family. I wanted them to know the horror that I went through. I guess it was so they could validate that what I had faced was awful. I wanted them to know how scared I was. I wanted them to know that I had been to hell and back and that the thing I wished for the most was to see them again. My family gave me plenty of time. I never felt from them that I should just sweep this under the rug and move on. Days, months, and even years later, they still listen to me when I need talk about it. My parents gave me my life back. I have always been praised for being so strong and for having the courage to jump right back into life. But my parents are the source of my strength. They are the reason that I wanted to survive and they are the reason that I thrive today. I was also so fortunate to have the support of Chris. Our relationship had been a little shaky and he certainly had plenty of reason to walk away from it at that point. But he struggled through it with me. The community reached out to me in so many ways and I was almost made to feel like a hero…that by escaping and getting Daniel Lee behind bars, I had maybe helped to save other lives.
My weight had been an issue for me in the few years leading up to the kidnapping. I felt weak and powerless in my attempts to control my eating. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but in the aftermath of this event, I took control again. Maybe it is because what bothered me so much about being with Daniel Lee is that I had absolutely no control over what happened to me. My life was in the hands of a complete stranger who intended to kill me. That lack of control was a very frightening thing. And the way I see it is that surviving that made me feel strong again. I took control of my life and took control of my eating.
I married Chris and we now have 2 wonderful children. Jake will be 18 next month and will be headed off to college in the fall. My daughter, Haleigh, is 12 and it makes me happy when people say she is just like me. I love my job as a high school teacher. Over the years, I have spoken to various groups about my experience. I believe that maybe people can use my story to give them hope that life can resume after a sexual assault. I was raised to be a competitor and I know that a big part of my recovery was my will to “win” and to choose to not be ruined by this. I will never forget what happened to me and I have never tried to forget it. I believe it happened for several reasons and so it makes no sense for me to pity myself and question why it happened or to pretend like it didn’t happen. What I have learned from it will forever be a part of me.
I run because I like to feel strong. I run because I like to feel young. My knees ache now more than they used to, but still occasionally have a run where I don't feel anything but freedom and an exhiliration. Nothing hurts and I feel like I will never slow down. I love it when everything in my body is working and it seems as if the longer and faster I run, the happier I become.
I look forward to my involvement with GOTR because I love to inspire people. I love to see that light go on when someone realizes that being strong is one of the greatest feelings in the world...and to know that running and being fit makes you just as strong mentally as it does physically! And that no matter what life's circumstances are and no matter how hard the world may seem to be trying to hold you back, that our own personal strength and belief in ourselves is something that no one can take away without our permission. I believe this and I want to help others believe it.
I like to believe that I am one brave chick. Without a doubt, I know that I am one fortunate chick. My life is good and I am happy.
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We, at one brave chick, are absolutely humbled by the spirit and examples of both Molly and Leigh. In every sense of the words, both of these ladies are one brave chick. We are honored to be able to spread the message of Girls On The Run with our community. What greater gift can we give our young brave chicks than to start them off on a lifetime of self-respect and healthy living. Thank you Molly, Leigh and Girls On The Run for changing the world – one brave chick at a time! Molly and Leigh - we salute you!!
If you would like to learn more about Girls On The Run and/or find a Girls On The Run program in your area – please visit their website at www.girlsontherun.org. We also encourage you to visit Molly’s blog at http://mollyontherun.blogspot.com for more inspirations.
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...the feeling you get when you recieve one of these kits is awesome.
